Oh the joy of H20... the water gently lapping at your ankles, the sweet smell of burst drains and the soft laughter of an AA call-centre operator when you naively request someone can come out within 24 hours.
This was supposed to be a holiday report, but out here in the We(s)t Country there's been no need to head off for the seaside: this summer, the waves have came to us. Being in receipt of Mitsubishi's trusty new pick-up, complete in leather-clad, sat-navved, air-cooled Diamond spec, I'd foolishly entertained notions of a grand tour of Cornwall this July. I'd even considered strapping a surfboard to the back. The Mitsu had been camping on my drive for a good month, minding its manners very well, but twiddlings its thumbs nonetheless.
Learn more about the summer floods. Check out our photo gallery.
A jaunt to Croyde looked a cert to confirm my suspicions that this 2.5-litre diesel was no donkey. On short runs around town and with the occasional stray off tarmac, I'd already been impressed by its suave manners - indeed, drive it against the new Toyota Hi Lux and the latter exhibits the suspension equivalent of Tourette's, while Ford's Ranger is like likening business class to nasty old Ryan Air.
But the Gulf Stream had different plans for my big break, heaping trough after trough of pestilential stair-rods upon us. And so to a road test I'd not envisaged...
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If you are going to be in your very own disaster movie, the L200's casting here is akin to the unexpected arrival of Bruce Willis. This is the rough plot. Day One: car photographer and colleague Adrian Sherratt gets caught in a nasty flash flood. Without even thinking about clasping a dagger in my teeth, I chuck a tow-rope in the back and waded out beyond the Road Closed signs. Before me and Bruce can help him though, another Mondeo (note to Ford: it really makes good sense to position air intakes higher than a woodlouse's nostrils) with full compliment of pensioners is located wallowing alongside.
And here's the funny thing: it wasn't until I'd done the honourable thing and pulled them onto dry land, and rescued Adrian's car, that I realised I'd forgotten to engage four-wheel drive: the Mitsu's precocious endowment of torque making such formalities pretty irrelevant.
With nothing more than an ominous click emanating from its ignition, we tow Adrian's Mondeo to the local dealer, where liberal ingress of water to engine and footwells would later secure a cursory death certificate.
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Day two: Sherratt's on frontline picture-desk duty for the Sunday Times and needs to be in flood-stricken Tewkesbury. An hour ago. Being wheel-free, me and Bruce are consequently hired by the picture desk for escort work. The L lends itself perfectly to media work: not only is it haughtily indifferent to half a meter of slosh, it also offers a crucial head and shoulders of extra height - handy when spotting those key stories. We've got lots of rugged loadspace for carrying sodden waders, plenty of space inside and go-anywhere ability... all on a real-world average of 31.7mpg. Eight hours later, pics bagged, we head home. Though that's when I break down.
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The following morning, the AA man shakes his head. "It's the first one of these I've seen," he says. "They just don't break down." And to be fair, it barely had, in technical terms. That balloon-deflating whoosh I'd initially heard, accompanied by consequent 75% power loss, was simply attributable to the main air-intake hose blowing off the intercooler. "Probably not tightened up enough at the factory," he intones. It's a ten-second repair.
And as he helpfully points out it all could have been much worse: "You were lucky: I mean, at least you weren't away on holiday."
Mitsubishi L200 Diamond
Price: £26,142 inc VAT
Mileage so far: 2,500
Fuel consumption: 31.7mpg
Tiscali verdict: L200 rules the waves... so far.
