Don’t let your first romantic break turn into sun, sea and squabbles
When you’re smitten with a new partner, there’s nothing quite like a frolic in the surf to seal the deal on your romance.
Just ask (“Ant and…”) Dec and his new girlfriend Georgie Thompson, recently snapped swooning over each other in Morocco. Or Spanish Oscar winners Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who’ve been enjoying private helicopter rides and scuba-dives in Belize.
Ain’t love grand? Yes, until you start bickering about restaurant bills and who left the towels on the floor of the en suite. It can be a shock to go from occasional dastes to a week of inescapable 24/7 contact.
Travel is anything but relaxing. It puts a strain on your wallet, involves getting up at an unholy hour to catch a plane, and deprives you of your home comforts. And the hotel room that you’ve spent months dreaming about probably overlooks a car park. It’s enough to make you homesick before you’ve even left.
Add a new lover to this stressful mix, and the result can be stormy.
Here are some ways to help ensure that your first holiday together is a blissful break, and not the beginning of the end.
What to do
* DO keep it brief
When you’re in the infatuation stage, nothing sounds more delicious than a week in the sun with your amour. But the reality can be stressful and suffocating.
On holiday, you can’t escape each other if you need some space. So make sure that your break isn’t so long that you spend half of it itching to be alone again.
A couple of nights or a long weekend is long enough to enjoy each other’s company, but not so long that you can’t wait until it’s over. If all goes well, you can graduate to a full week next time.
* DO keep it simple
Why does your first holiday have to be to the Maldives? Spending a weekend in a hotel in the Cotswolds is just as romantic, far less expensive and involves much less travelling. Save the exotics for when you know each other a bit better.
* DO explore pastures new
A destination that’s new to both of you will be a shared adventure. If you choose somewhere that one of you knows, it won’t feel shared – one of you will be the leader. Whatever you do, don’t choose a destination that one of you has visited with an ex.
* DO compromise on destination
One of you wants to cycle through the Lake District and the other wants to lounge by a pool on the Costas? Scrap both fantasies and find a new plan that you both like. You’re only going for a few days, after all. If you can’t compromise now, your relationship may not be long for this world.
* DO keep yourselves occupied
You may expect your holiday to involve round-the-clock sex, but reality is rarely like that. Besides, most hotel rooms feel like prison cells after a few hours. So before your trip, look up things to do in the local area, whether it’s seeing the sights or being pampered in a spa.
* DO compromise on activities
Constant bickering over where to eat or which landmark to visit will soon make you desperate to escape from each other. So find activities that you’d both like to do, or take turns to choose.
* DO be honest about money
Don’t let your holiday go belly-up over rows about cash. Before you go, decide how to divvy up the cost of flights, hotel, food and so on.
Also make sure that there’s no hidden agenda or price-tag for either of you. If your new lover invites you to New York just to save on their hotel bill, let them find some other mug to take.
What not to do
* DON’T let your expectations run wild
It’s hard to stop yourself fantasising before your holiday, imagining rampant sex, glorious weather and proposals of marriage. But reality is bound to include some boring bits and disagreements – and your disappointment could sour your feelings about your relationship as well as the holiday.
* DON’T book if you can’t agree
If you can’t agree or compromise on a destination, don’t book a holiday! There’s no point committing to several days together if you start arguing before you’ve even got your tickets.
* DON’T over-plan
While it’s good to have things to do, you also want time simply to get to know each other. If you’re running from museum to ancient ruin to restaurant you’ll have barely any time to sit and chat. You’ll also be too tired and stressed to enjoy each other’s company.
* DON’T cling to each other
The fact that it’s your first trip together doesn’t mean that you have to be together every second. If one of you wants to read by the pool while the other goes for a walk with their camera, do it. The space will probably keep you sane.
* DON’T holiday together if it’s not working
A holiday is not a way to fix a relationship, especially one that’s barely got off the ground. If things just aren’t moving forward, you’re probably not suited to a long-term partnership, and no holiday is going to change that.
