Dear Anne
I never see my aunty. I love her to bits but ever since my gran died 2 years ago she and my mum have stopped talking and haven't told me why. She lives 10 minutes away and I could go anytime but I'm just scared she won't want me there. Please, please help me! What should I do? Sydney
Dear Sydney
I'm sorry your mum and your aunty have fallen out. Sadly it's very common for brothers and sisters to argue after a parent dies. Even more sadly, by not speaking your mum and your aunt haven't given themselves the chance to sort this out. Whatever they believe, though, that's up to each of them.
It isn't, and shouldn't be, about you. Your lovely aunty may have believed that because your mum had fallen out with her, so had you. Your not having made contact with her over the last two years may have fuelled that idea.
What you might do is ring your aunt at a time you believe she's likely to be home (rather than just leaving an answerphone message for her). I hope (but I can't guarantee) that your aunt will be just as glad to hear from you as you are to make contact. If she isn't, remember that's not about you. It's about your mum's and aunt's stupid falling out, which is about them, not you. But remember all the nice times you did have with your aunty. They were real, weren't they? With luck, your aunt will welcome seeing you again. If so, you may choose to tell your mum you've been to see your aunt, maybe not at first but fairly soon.
If your mum forbids you to see your aunt, you could try telling her that you love her but you're not taking sides. In fact you don't propose to talk to your aunt about her anyway because their relationship is nothing to do with you. If she doesn't forbid you, you can still reassure her that you love her and nothing will change that.
I wish you the courage to make contact, and I hope it goes well for you. Good luck.
