Dear Anne
I am only 14 and I have fallen for an older male. There is just over 8 years difference between us and we are both being made fun of. I want to show him that we can get serious without their consent. I want to sleep with him but I feel that not only am I breaking the law but I am being stupid. I am in love and I am ready, but should I? Anon
Dear Anon
I appreciate your dilemma. On the one hand you're enjoying your romance and want to take it a step further. On the other, your feelings are telling you that you'd be stupid to make love with this man. If you then add in the illegal aspect, plus the urge to show everyone you can do what you want with your life, you've got a real mixed brew, haven't you? So what's your decision going to be?
Let's break down the problems into bite-size chunks. Firstly, doesn't the fact that you and this guy care about each other mean you both want what's best for your partner? So do you want to lay him open to possible arrest and prosecution? That doesn't sound too caring to me! And if he cares about you, he'll be aware that the law is there to protect people of your age, because even safe sex can bring up all sorts of painful and confusing emotions which can be hard to handle. I'm sure you'd use contraception, but even so accidents can happen. Are you ready for the possibility of being a mother within nine months? Have you worked out how you'd deal with that? Or with the possibility of contracting a sexually-transmitted disease?
You don't need to have sex to prove your love for him. If you're still together in two years time, isn't that proof enough? That, of course, would also be the answer for the people who are making light of your feelings for each other. And your feelings are sensibly telling you that you'd be daft to make love to your boyfriend in response to other people's interference.
Only eight years ago you were six. What did you play with then? What sorts of books or TV programmes did you like? You've changed a lot since then, haven't you? And in another eight years you'll be different again, with more skills, more knowledge, more awareness and other interests. It may be that right now you're proud of having a boyfriend who's so mature. But what have people said about female teachers of 22, for example, who have sex with fourteen-year-old boys?
One last point. You say you're ready. If you were ready, though, why would you be seeking another opinion? It's OK not to be sure. It's OK to enjoy being 14, and the security that can bring.
I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure that you'll do your best to protect yourself.
I wish you peace of mind and confidence in yourself.
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