Dear Anne
I'm a 26 year old guy who is straight and has a lovely girlfriend of 6 years. Sounds good so far. Well I am struggling to come to terms with who I am, or what I am and how I look! My girlfriend and I have often played in the bedroom, dressing up including make-up. She has even bought us matching thigh boots! It's good and I like it. But now I am really wanting to wear make-up and slightly fem clothes and shoes when we go out. It makes me feel good and I guess I kind of hide behind them! I want to do this in public so I need help! Will this offend people? Is it wrong to feel like this or want to do this? Is there a level to take it to? Should I just ignore it altogether? I really need some help with this! Many thanks. Russ
Dear Russ
I appreciate your dilemma. But you could ask an awful lot of people and get an awful lot of different answers. If you were to go to certain pubs and clubs, you'd find other guys in fem outfits. TV (transvestite) clubs exist, and going to a gay club means your clothing would be accepted and no prejudgment made about your or your girlfriend's sexuality. Alice Cooper wears make-up and Eddie Izzard wears both slap and women's clothing. Lots of Goth guys do too. You might go and watch the film Kinky Boots. In other words there are plenty of people who think it's OK.
However, your family might be pretty freaked about it – or not. Your boss or some of your mates might be upset about it. Some aggressive people are quite happy to beat up guys in fem gear. Some might even be shocked. Others will mock. Your girlfriend likes it and so do you, so that's cool.
But this is a choice. It's up to you if you choose to wear fem outfits, too. It's not about who you are, it's about something you sometimes do. While you do it in private, you don't have to worry about anybody's reactions but yours and your girlfriend's. Outside is a different matter.
If you feel the need to hide behind any style, you might consider talking through your issues with a counsellor. This isn't about the dressing part, it's about the hiding part. Learning to like and accept yourself is important for satisfaction in life and good choices including what you want to wear.
And one of those choices is realising that you're responsible for your own decisions – which includes coping with any consequences, good and bad. One of those consequences might be pleasure and new friends, but do bear your personal safety in mind.
I wish you and your girlfriend all the best.
