Dear Anne,
I am being blackmailed at work. I made a very big mistake and incurred a considerable loss but a male co-worker/supervisor glossed it over, rectified it and agreed never to tell anyone. However he also asked one thing in return: that I would hang on after work to discuss it. I agreed and at 5 o'clock went to his office. He said that as a punishment for what had happened that he was going to spank me. I reluctantly went along with it after a short argument, including lifting up my skirt and taking the spanking on my underwear. After all, he had saved my job and I felt it was a small price to pay for that. I believed that would be the end of it. However he has called me in a number of times since and said that he wants to do it again. Things came to a head last week when he gave me an ultimatum that I allow him to spank my bare bottom or he will inform the boss of what I did. I love my job, make good money and have a number of close friends there. I see my only option to be to leave but know I will not get a good reference from this man. Please help me figure out what to do. Mary
Dear Mary
I'm so sorry you're being blackmailed. It's despicable and not something a decent human being would do. It is possible to find a positive way forward, though.
Blackmail only works if you give into it and if no-one else finds out about it. If someone's blackmailed you once, they will again. Have you considered consulting your union rep? If you're not in a union, you could consult a solicitor. You could ring your local police station (not 999, but the number in your phone-book for the nearest police station) and ask to speak to someone on their helpline for advice. You could also go to your line-manager (or the person above that, if the blackmailer is your line manager). You could call Women's Aid on 0117 944 4411 during office hours, both for immediate, practical advice on handling this and if you need to talk to someone about these assaults and your feelings around them.
Yes, you made a mistake at work - but that's no reason you should be coerced, assaulted or blackmailed in this way. People do make mistakes. This guy certainly has! It's an appalling abuse of his position, and if it's possible to prove his threats or actions, he could face prosecution. You may have to face a reprimand, a written warning or even a change of job, but not saying anything allows this horrible person to think it's OK to do this kind of thing. Don't let this blight the rest of your life. Once you've faced up to it, you'll be able to move forward and get on with the rest of your life.
I do hope you'll seek help as soon as possible. Until you've got that help you could do your best to avoid this man, perhaps by taking a break of a day or two. I wish you the courage to get the help you need. Good luck. Back to Ask Anne
