Dear Anne,
It's my prom in June. All of my 'friends' have booked their limos and there's no room for me in either of them. I don't know whether to go to my prom. They keep saying, 'Why don't you get your mom to drop you off in the car?' but it's just not the same, is it? The girls keep being really bitchy about it and laughing at the fact that I don't want to go. What shall I do about both of them? Thanks. Faye
Dear Faye,
No matter how you slice this up, it comes down to your friends behaving like snobby bitches - and how you feel about that. If they're true friends, they wouldn't be bitchy. Only shallow people are snobs.
Let's talk about that whole Cinderella myth. The prince didn't even see her carriage so she could just as well have walked there. He didn't fall in love with her clothes. At court he'd have seen all sorts of fabulous garments so that was nothing special to him. What he loved was the happy, smiling, fun girl who enjoyed his company for its own sake.
What will happen if you decide to sit home? Not only will you feel sorry for yourself, you'll spend the rest of your life thinking there must have been something wrong with you to be left out like that. Well, you're not responsible for how these immature girls have been behaving. Why look at yourself through their eyes? But you are responsible for your own choices. It's your life. Wouldn't you rather get out there and live it to the max?
Sit back and remember times when you've had fun, maybe at parties, dances or just chatting with nice people. See yourself relaxed and happy, interacting confidently with friendly people responding warmly. If you can't remember times like this, invent some! We respond to our imagination, so imagine something pleasurable. Do this over and over again so you see not the nasty image you have been picturing but the happy image.
If you can find someone else to go with, great! If not, compromise and go by taxi. Turn up fashionably late so your horrible mates are already inside. Don't stand on the outside looking in. Find a group of nice people and go up and ask if you can join them. Or lurk by the buffet and chat to pleasant people as they come up, then join them. Don't be a wallflower. Dance with other girls (or boys of course) for the sheer pleasure of dancing. Smile and laugh.
In the meantime, if one of these girls makes another unkind remark, just laugh and say an ironic, "Wounded!" Or grin and tell them the truth (politely): "That was a bitchy comment, wasn't it?" Their behaviour speaks about them, not about you.
Luckily you won't always be at school. When you leave, you'll have far more chance to meet pleasant, more mature people and leave the nasty ones behind. And of course you'll make sure that you behave respectfully too. I wish you a wonderful time both now and in the future.
