Dear Anne
I used to be an anorexic. Well, I say 'used to'. I don't think I've ever fully got over it. The problem is, I've now started compulsive eating, so I'm starting to put on weight. My self-image is so low that I go from one extreme to the other, one day eating nothing, the next eating so much that I feel sick; trying to find the courage not to make myself throw up. But whatever type of day it is, I hate myself. Please help. Elena
Dear Elena
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a hard time with your eating patterns. I know this can be a real battle and congratulations for all your efforts to fight it. I hope you are able to recognise each small success as a success.
It is possible to overcome problems with food. Other people have, and you could take your inspiration from them. Although you may feel isolated and alone in your problem, many other people go through anorexic or bulimic stages and come out of them with a new sense of personal value.
The relationship between eating and self-image can be very complex. It's important to visit your doctor and talk things over with her. This can help you find objective data about your body-image. You could also ask if she will refer you to a psychotherapist or an eating disorders clinic. For some people, it helps to ask, 'When will I have had enough of eating problems to decide that I can now eat healthily and let myself get better? For others, the fear of giving up the false sense of control and the false sense of security is so strong that they really need the help of professionals. It can seem like you have no sense of identity without the eating disorder, but actually you are a person in your own right. You are a woman of your age. You are, perhaps, a friend or a colleague, a student perhaps, a daughter, maybe a sister or a niece or a grandchild. You are a person with skills for a start, you're articulate and internet-literate. You have likes and dislikes. I repeat you are a person in your own right albeit one who's going through an eating disorder right now.
As a person, you have as much right as anyone else in your village, town or city to live on this earth, and to have as good a life as you can make for yourself. You can learn to stop thinking obsessively about food and use your time in more rewarding and fulfilling ways. One of the ways you can start learning to believe good things about yourself is to go to helpful websites such as www.anred.com , where you'll find factual information and success stories of others who have finally overcome their exhausting and obsessive battle with food and built a confident, rewarding life for themselves.
It is possible, Elena. You can recover. You can let yourself recover. You can learn to like and value yourself, and to accept that you are liked and perhaps loved by others. I hope you can soon give yourself this permission. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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