Dear Anne
I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for 5 of those but he says he never wanted to marry me. He does not have sex with me and never comforts me in any way but he is kind to me, letting me have what I want, etc., but I feel very low and lonely. What is wrong with me? Barbara
Dear Barbara
Why do assume there's something wrong with you? What I want to know is what's the matter with him? Why did a grown man choose to marry a woman when he says he didn't want to? Why does he blank your emotional needs? Why hasn't he been willing to develop a caring, mutually respectful relationship with his wife? Sure, he's generous in material ways but there's something at the root of his selfishness and his emotional distance. In all probability that has nothing to do with you. It might be that he's worried about his sexual performance and therefore keeps you at a distance so he won't have to face up to it. It could be that he married because he felt he ought to be married. There are plenty of other possibilities. But whatever it is, you need to acknowledge what you've been feeling and act constructively to solve those problems. He doesn't define you!
If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've got.
