My Life's One Big Mess - Agony Aunt

It leaves you as an intelligent young woman with most of her life ahead of her. You may have got into debt but you've bravely faced up to that. You're hard-working and are taking responsibility for paying your debts off. In other words you're not only academically bright, you're smart enough to have learned a valuable lesson about finances. All this means that you have good qualities like responsibility and perseverance and you're good at managing time. You've also had the initiative and courage to think laterally and write into a problem page. These are skills that employers want. So is internet literacy. What other job-related skills do you have? It can be very heartening to update your CV. Apart from anything else it shows you that you have more options than you might have thought.

Right now you're so tired and feeling so stuck that you can't see any possibilities of change. But there are plenty if you look for them. I'm sure careers advisers do help some people but I have to say there are plenty of people they haven't helped because they tend to run along set lines. That doesn't mean those people have to stay stuck in dead-end jobs. Many have decided to think outside the box, go ahead and change their careers and have been happier, and richer, as a result. You don't have to be a graduate to get a well-paid job. Richard Branson isn't! You won't have the time to do much job-seeking but you could set yourself a minimum target such as reading the job ads in the local paper once a week, or making time to look on the net once a fortnight. You are entitled to have time off for interviews, and on application forms if you choose to, you can mark the box that says not to contact your present employers until after the interview. It's worth remembering that job-seeking is a numbers game. Out of 20 or so applications you might get one interview. Out of 20 interviews you might get one job if you're lucky and if the company hasn't got somebody lined up for the post and are just advertising as window-dressing. But if you don't give it a shot, you'll never land a better-paid job, will you? And each interview gives you valuable experience at interview skills. Meantime there are books giving advice about job-seeking, CVs and self-presentation so why not look on amazon.co.uk and see what you can find? If you have a lunch-break, could you get to a library and look there?

Now let's look at something even more fundamental: your attachment to your own life. Just because your parents treated you badly, it doesn't mean you deserve bad treatment. You're allowed to exist. You matter. You're allowed to make the best of your own life starting from where you are now. You're important to yourself because what you do, feel and think directly affects you. You may find it helpful to talk things through with your doctor (and yes, you are allowed time off work for medical reasons).

Your future's not set in stone. Nobody knows what's around the corner. If you can get out there a bit, you could meet a lovely boyfriend. You never know, he might have enough money to help you out a bit if things work out. Of course you'll weed the bad ones out and find someone who shares your desires and interests. Or you might be able to find a cheaper flatshare where you'll also get some company. You could meet a new best friend. You might visit chat-rooms or free internet dating sites (but of course you'll take care to keep safe and not be conned). I'm not saying it'll be easy but it is possible.

I know you must be exhausted and most of your one free day a week is probably tied up with chores and rest. However, what can you do that's within your budget to bring some pleasure into your life? Studies have shown that a walk in the park is more energising than the same time spent resting. How about spending 50p on a bunch of daffodils to brighten your home? Going to an art gallery or museum to lift your spirits? You might find someone interesting to talk to there. If you're not able to make social plans in the evenings, is there any way of developing friendships with colleagues or others at lunchtime or on your free day? What about creative interests? Pleasure is the greatest antidote to depression.

Life is about change. Nothing stays the same forever (although if you feel stuck it might seem to for a while!) I hope you will do what you can to inject some pleasure into your life, and start looking around for ways to change the things you want to change. I wish you confidence and a happy set of outcomes. Good luck. Back to Ask Anne