Dear Anne
I have a really good friend who I see all the time. The problem is her boyfriend. He loves her lots and I know she loves him even more. They are planning to marry next year. He has confessed to me that he likes me. He said that he feels really bad but can't help his emotions. Now I have tried to keep seeing my friend, and I would like to be friends with him too, but that can't happen as I am scared something may come out and she will know that he likes me. I really don't want her finding out as it would upset her too much.
I have asked him to try and keep it to himself and told him that he is very wrong. He says he will, but it's got to come out sooner or later. Things like this always do, don't they? What should I do for the best? I don't want to fall out with either of them. Katie
Dear Katie
What a difficult situation this boy is creating! Here are some ideas which may help you find a way forward.
How about keeping the whole thing to yourself? That means not telling anybody about it so that gossip doesn't start doing the rounds. You've told him (I hope!) that you don't want to go out with him now or ever, and that you are not going to be disloyal to your mate. Provided you don't start flirting with him, where's the problem now? You could even say to your mate, I love you dearly, X, and I want you to be happy, but I don't like playing gooseberry so I'd prefer to go out with you on girly nights rather than as a threesome with him.
As for your wanting to stay friends with this lad, why? He's two-faced and deceitful. He threatens your peace of mind and your mate's emotional wellbeing. I hope you don't think most prospective husbands behave like this! Wouldn't it be better to steer well clear of him whenever possible? You're not responsible for your mate she's an adult, after all but you might consider dropping a hint. Perhaps you'd think about saying something like, I'm glad you're happy with him but he's not my cup of tea. Don't you think he's a bit flirty to be thinking of settling down? The opportunity might arise when she's going on about how wonderful he is.
You don't have to tell tales or go all mysterious, but if pressed you might add that it's nothing he's said or done. You just don't always feel comfortable with him although you don't know why.
Even the hint might mean the end of your friendship and the start of unpleasant gossip. If you want to drop the hint for the sake of your frien's future happiness, that's up to you. You don't have to. She's a big girl now.
And as she's thinking of getting married, how about finding some new friends for yourself too? Then you'll have someone else to pal around with while she's with him.
I wish you luck with this, Katie, and with your bright new social life.
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