Dear Anne
I am a 13 year old boy and recently my best friend told me he fancied me. I was shocked and just walked out the room after he asked me if he could kiss me and make love to me. What do I do? Iain
Dear Iain
Thank you for your email. I'm sorry you've had such a shock, but part of growing up is experiencing new situations. I'm sure your shock reaction will fade once you've made some decisions about what you want to do.
It may help you to know that it's against the law for two boys to have sex while either of them is under the age of 18. That's because sex can raise confusing emotions which you're not necessarily ready for just yet. Just as your body continues to develop until you're around 18 or so, so do your mind and emotions. As you move through to adulthood you'll also have more social skills to deal with unexpected
Here are some points which may help you to know what to do. Firstly, to lay one common prejudice to rest, just because your friend fancies you, it doesn't make you a homosexual. In any case there's nothing wrong with being homosexual but sometimes straight people don't realise that. Your friend may be going through a phase because sexuality isn't always fixed until you're in your twenties. Secondly what he said to you was a compliment. Someone who knows you well likes you enough to want to get closer, so you can be pleased that you're attractive and likable.
So what do you want to do about this friend of yours? If you choose merely to avoid him, you're likely to have an uncomfortable feeling that there's unfinished business. It's OK to let him know what you want. If you want to stay friends but nothing more, why not say so? You can tell him you're flattered by his invitation but you don't want your friendship to become physical. If he's not happy with that, then you don't have to fall out. You can both choose to invest more in other friendships and be cool but polite with each other. If you're not sure whether you'd like a physical relationship with him, you can say that you're not ready yet and remind him about the legal aspect. If he cares about your feelings, he'll respect that. And if he doesn't, then you'll know he's not as good a friend as you had belived.
I wish you peace of mind and confidence in yourself.
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