In Care And Drinking - Agony Aunt

I know drink and drugs can make you feel good - for a short time. But then you come back down and you're still facing the original problems + the new ones (e.g. hangovers, obligations you've not completed, arguments with carers and teachers, feelings of frustration and hopelessness, and all with distorted feelings and thinking left over from the intoxicants). I don't know if it's true for you but many teens get into financial messes or steal to buy intoxicants, and that makes more problems too. You could negotiate with your carers around reasonable social time and the time to come home. You could decide not to go out during the week, or just on one night in the week, and some time at the weekends. You could decide not to go out until you've done your homework (tip: showing your carers what you've done could invite more praise and respect from them). You could make sure you never drink or take drugs on an empty stomach. Have a starchy meal (i.e.one with bread or rice or potatoes) + a glass of milk before you go drinking. Alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. As you stay more in control you'll be better placed to keep yourself safe and get home at a reasonable time so your carers are reassured and you can function well the next day. Cut down the number of tokes you have on each reefer, and then smoke less and less until you get it completely out of your system. Because even a couple of drinks and a couple of tokes knock out self-protective thinking.

Some practical how-to's on living with carers. If you increase your bonding activities, you'll invite fewer difficulties. Share some of what's going on for you and show interest in their day and their interests. As you offer this kind of positive attention, you're also inviting positive attention from them. The more positive attention you invite, the less negative attention you'll need and invite. Offer to make them a cuppa now and then.

School: you're smart enough to know what behaviours invite positive attention from teachers. Be a detective. Look round at your classmates. What behaviours do they use to invite positive attention from teachers? Be very specific in your detection, then decide what positive behaviour you're going to concentrate on developing each week. If you need help because you've fallen behind, it's best to go to the teacher's desk when everyone's packing up and ask quietly. Or ask a classmate who's likely to know. You can think whatever you like about school in the privacy of your head, but outward conformity is very useful camouflage! And the more time you spend on inviting positive attention, the less time you're spending getting yourself into trouble.

You may have hung round with class clowns and rebels because you didn't feel comfortable around the ordinary students. But clowns and rebels don't make good, stable friendships. They're much more prone to falling out or offering friendship that's conditional on you doing what they want. As you learn to like yourself and develop self-confidence, you'll find it easier to get on well with the ordinary students. And you'll find they're mostly much nicer and more interesting than you'd believed.

Ellianna, you matter. As you start treating yourself like someone who matters, you'll find it easier to treat others like they matter too. I wish you the courage to make your life rewarding for yourself and more comfortable for the caring people around you. Good luck.