Dear Anne,
I'm crying writing this because I've got myself into a mess. I met a guy on a chatroom. We've been talking on the phone most days for over a year now. He recently told me he loves me and I feel the same about him. The only problem is the photos in my profile are not me. They are of someone else. Now I wish I'd been honest from the start but know I've blown it with this man because of the pic. I've been honest about everything he knows about me except for the photo. Don't know how to tell him! Please help. Jackie
Dear Jackie,
Lies catch you out in the end, don't they? It sounds as though you have learned this lesson, so what can you do to attempt to rescue the situation?
You might say something like, "I'm sorry, I have a confession to make. You're so important to me that I wanted to make a good impression, so I used someone else's photo instead of mine. Now it's only fair that I come clean about this, though I promise you I've been honest about everything else. Please will you forgive me?"
He may, but equally he may not. Trust is essential for good love and you haven't been trustworthy, at least on this single topic. It really depends what kind of guy he is.
There's one other point. On the phone or on the PC we select how we present ourselves. After all, most of us aren't aware of many of our faults, and statements like "I have a bad temper" are easy to cope with, where being confronted by the reality of someone raging at you isn't at all the same. That means you don't get a true picture of the other person (no pun intended) so your feelings of love may be more attached to your fantasy perception of him than to the real man. Only by spending plenty of face-to-face time with him will you and he know whether this is good, lasting love. And I have to wonder why you haven't met up over the last year. That in itself could be an indication that you both have problems with physical and emotional closeness, so watch out for that.
One good thing could come out of your deception and confession. The two of you may be able to work together to solve this problem, which will be bond-building.
What is important (apart from telling him the truth) is that you now start valuing yourself. Most people aren't supermodels and the most ordinary people find love, don't they? If you want to take better care of yourself and update your appearance, this is a good prompt, isn't it?
I wish you good love, but whether it's with this man or another, only time will tell. Good luck.
