Dear Anne,
I'm a 27 year old female and I think I have trouble with alcohol. I don't drink a lot but when I do, I have too much which causes me to make a show of myself. I don't know when to stop. Then for days I feel guilty and ashamed. All my self-confidence is lost. I get so down about myself which leaves me feeling depressed. Sometimes I don't think I deserve to live. I've got myself in so many bad situations - I'm very scared about that because I could potentially be putting myself in danger. I'm so paranoid about what people think of me I feel like I need to hide and never come back. I've been like this for years and I don't know how to stop or help myself. It feels like I have no control and that I'm ruining my life. Also I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend. Please can you help? Thank you. Sally
Dear Sally,
Well done for recognising that you have a problem with alcohol! It's the first step in regaining control over your life and feeling good about yourself.
Even though you don't drink every day or vast amounts, you've been drinking to the point where it affects your mood, your self-worth and your behaviour. You've even put yourself in harm's way. By some definitions that counts as alcoholism. People are individuals and their bodies have the ability to process alcohol to differing degrees. That doesn't make you weak or inadequate. It's just useful information for you to act on. Some people know when to stop - but as alcohol first knocks out social guidelines and adult awareness, it can be hard to for others to take control of their drinking.
People drink to excess (and remember, one person's excess might be another person's sensible limit) for all kinds of reasons. Commonly it's to blank out uncomfortable beliefs and feelings about the self. You've been doubting your worth and fearing criticism, judgment and rejection by others, which fits with this pattern. But Dutch courage leads to social difficulties and damages self-esteem, as you've discovered.
So what can you do about this? Find an alcohol awareness and support group in your area. They'll be listed in Yellow Pages or on Yell.com. Some, such as AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), operate their 12-Step Program nationwide. Others are regional. In the West Midlands there's Aquarius (www.aquarius.org.uk). Drinkline 0800 917 8282 can tell you where to find services too. Or talk to your doctor.
Not all alcohol support services require total abstinence. Aquarius and other organisations may offer individual or group counselling as well as a controlled drinking program. But all of them will help you find more helpful ways of managing your feelings, thoughts and actions than crawling into a bottle.
The sooner you act, the sooner you'll find balance and confidence. I wish you the courage to find - and use - the help you need.
Anne
