Dear Anne
I am 26 years of age and have been with my boyfriend for 12 years. I don't love him any more. I don't know how to tell him as I know it will break his heart. Any suggestions on how I can tell him? Kerrie
Dear Kerrie
It's hard ending a long romance, isn't it? This isn't a decision you've made lightly, but I can't help wondering whether you've let your boyfriend know there are problems or asked for his help solving them. On the other side of the coin there's the fact that everyone changes greatly between 14 and 26, which means you and he are both very different people from the teen sweethearts you once were.
If you've tried discussing and resolving differences and it hasn't helped, or you're sure you want out, then you could pick your time. Obviously you wouldn't pack him in if he were mid-crisis (unless that's his permanent condition), but once you've found the moment, you could take his hand and say simply, "I've enjoyed a lot of our time together and there's a lot about you I really admire but I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you any more and I think we should split up. You're a lovely man and I'm sure you'll find someone else. I don't mean to hurt you and I hope we can stay friends." Hopefully he'll respond in an adult way. However he may ask for explanations (you've grown apart and now have different ideas about life); he may offer promises which might or might not prove true; he may be angry; he may threaten self-harm. If you think there'd be any danger to you or to him, you might make sure that one of his family or friends is close by.
Few teen romances last. Most people have experience of relationships ending. Most people do get over the shock and cope in a grown-up way. I'm sure you'll be as respectful of him as you can but he's a competent adult. You're not responsible for him. If he tries emotional blackmail, tell someone close to him or call the police or an ambulance.
It's better to be honest and move on rather than living a lie and storing up worse heartbreak later. You'll no doubt be upset for a bit too so I hope you'll seek comfort from your friends. You may also think about casual dating so you get used to being yourself around other guys and don't fall for cons like "This is your only chance of love". There are plenty more fish in the sea. Good luck.
