Two questions now on the same subject:
Dear Anne
I have a big problem and I don't know anyone I can tell. It's because of my sexual orientation. For the last six months I've realised I'm a lesbian and now I'm very afraid of telling my family and my friends because I can't imagine how they'll react. Maybe my secret will destroy my whole life. I don't know what to do now. Do you have an acceptable solution? Susanna
Dear Anne
I am 17 years old and male. Although I have been attracted to girls in the past, I have been attracted mainly to other boys. At the moment I am going out with anyone, but I'm finding that I'm looking at attractive young men when I am out and about and thinking about having a relationship with them, not with girls. My parents are very straight and have very strong opinions about the roles of men and women and see homosexuality as being very wrong. My father, particulary, believes that gay people choose to be gay and should not sleep with people of the same sex. If I'm gay, I don't think that I would be able to let my parents know this. Can you help me? Thanks. Kai
Dear Kai and Susanna
Thank you for your emails. I do understand your problem. I think I'm right in saying that both of you are still currently living with your parents and are probably both under the legal age for having homosexual relations, although things may be different in Germany where you both live. This means that any overt homosexual activity on your part will be against the law for a while yet. The age restriction is to give teenagers time to work out what they really want.
As you know, teenagers and people in their early twenties do not always have a fixed sexual orientation. Many people try out homosexual, straight and bisexual relationships before they make their final choice. For other people it's simpler because they have had those feelings long enough to know that they are always going to be attracted to the same sex and rather put off by the opposite sex. There can be enough confusion for you, let alone for friends and family, which is why it would probably be a good idea not to open up immediately to everyone you know. The teenage years have plenty of tough problems already, not least of which is your parents acceptance that you are growing up and will one day separate from them, as is only natural.
In time, perhaps when you reach the legal age of consent, you will be able to start living the way you want to. Technically you are not yet legally adults and therefore are under your parents guardianship in law. You are probably fed and clothed and sheltered by your parents, and while you are dependent on them it may well be unwise to be open about your homosexual leanings.
Will coming out into the open destroy your life? It depends, doesn't it, on what your life currently consists of.
