Dear Anne,
After spending six months with her, I am still unable to bring my girlfriend to orgasm.
I have taken time to relax her, understand her body and mind, read extensively on the subject and even bring in marital aids whilst never deliberately pressurising her or making her feel unhappy about the situation. She claims never to have experienced any form of orgasm with any partner or on her own. I would value your advice, as coming to a climax myself when she is building up, but then seeing her deflate, is beginning to get me down. Thank you for your consideration. Peter
Dear Peter,
I'm very sorry for you. Despite all your best efforts your girlfriend hasn't been able to reach orgasm. After your reading you'll know that anorgasmia is fairly common. You'll also know vicariously as well as from your own experience that when one person doesn't achieve orgasms it can sap the confidence of even the most loving partner - if you let it! Since your girlfriend has always been anorgasmic you'll also know it's not because of anything about you.
However, if you and your girlfriend are willing, you could find trained help. Relate (www.relate.org.uk) offer psychosexual counselling. You will do nothing more in the counselling room than talk. All exercises are performed in the privacy of your own home. They have a very good success rate and they're willing to negotiate around fees.
One other very important point. For many women, quite often orgasm isn't the main pleasure in sexual activity. They value the closeness, the journey if you like as much as (or sometimes more than) the destination. Therefore, once you've taken the time to share pleasure with her in caresses, kisses etc., it's perfectly OK for you to enjoy your orgasm. Assuming, of course, you're practising safe sex in an agreed way.
Your girlfriend's very lucky to have a kind, intelligent and caring lover like you. I wish both of you good love, whatever form that takes. Good luck.
