Dear Anne,
I haven't been eating of late as I haven't been sleeping and I have passed out a few times. A girl with whom I work says she has been worried about me as she knows I haven't been eating. She was the one person that was there when I passed out. The second time I did, she was the last person that I was talking to, so she had to come around to my house. I stayed at her house one night. I think it was to put her mind at rest. She is not my age group - she's 23, I'm 39. I feel really guilty about her having to come to my aid. I don't want to be worrying her, which I text to her but she never answered that. What else can I do? Annie
Dear Annie,
There are various reasons for people not taking care of themselves. Commonly stress can affect both sleeping and appetite. The stress can come from an outside pressure, e.g. finances or relationship difficulties, or it can come from what the person has been thinking. Whatever the trigger, it's a fact that not eating properly means feel-good hormones diminish so they can't do their job. That makes it harder to start eating and sleeping properly and thus be able to think in a problem-solving way.
I hope therefore that you'll make an appointment as soon as possible with your doctor to discuss all this. It could be that s/he will be able to offer appropriate medication + a talking therapy, because you do need to address the way you've been thinking. If there's a waiting list, you could go to Yell.com and look up counselling in your area. I'd particularly recommend a therapist with a background in Transactional Analysis, and you could email admin@ita.org.uk to ask for a list of those near where you live. Your doctor may be able to recommend free counselling services if cost is an issue.
www.b-eat.co.uk is the website of a charity dedicated to beating eating disorders. While you're working towards complete recovery and happiness, you can help yourself in the short term by nibbling the odd biscuit to stimulate your appetite and start those feel-good hormones flowing again, and by drinking milk, soup or those build-up drinks that chemists sell.
Other sources of help include www.coping.org and www.confidenceclub.net. Building your self-esteem will be extremely useful in feeling better, in having the strength to take care of yourself and cope with life's ups and downs, and in improving your social life.
Because I can't help thinking that part of your self-damaging behaviour could unconsciously be a cry for human contact. It sounds as though your young friend may be scared you see her only, or primarily, as a rescuer rather than an equal, so be as cheerful as you can and show her you're eating, drinking cups of tea and so forth so she knows you've passed the crisis and can be a friend without being dependent.
I'm sure you've had some tough times and I sympathise. But you've been brave enough to write in to find help, which means you do rightly care about yourself, and I'm pleased about that. You will overcome your difficulties if you seek trained help as above. I wish you all the best on your journey towards liking yourself and making your life as rewarding as possible.
