Dear Anne
I'm 17 and I have a boyfriend who I'm becoming increasingly intimate with. I'm very self-conscious about my breasts in particular because I think I may have inverted nipples, so when we get to a certain point I stop it from going any further. I want to move on, but my self-consciousness is holding me back from showing my boyfriend how I feel. Please help me. Ashley
Dear Ashley
Feeling self-conscious to the point where it's controlling an area of your life isn't very comfortable, is it? I do sympathise. But here's a question that is designed to be helpful, though it may at first strike you as confrontational. How long are you going to let your concern over your nipples dominate your love-life? Will you still be uptight about it when you're 70? 60? 50? When will you have had enough of that worry?
Breasts, and nipples, come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. You may find it reassuring to talk to the nurse at your GP's surgery, and show her what it is that you're concerned about. Women with inverted nipples can breast-feed quite happily. Nipple shields can realign inverted nipples so if that is how your breasts currently are and you're still not happy when you've discussed things at the doctor's, there's room for optimism.
You may also like to know that thousands of women throughout Britain have the same nipple design as you do, and they have perfectly fulfilling sex-lives. Do you honestly think your boyfriend has been going out with you only for your nipples even when he's never seen them? Most women can't understand why guys are so hung up about the size of their penis and most guys are just as baffled when women worry about their bosoms. Such a small amount of the total person, isn't it?
So, Ashley, I invite you to consider what your boyfriend likes about you. Your personality. Your looks in general. Your kindness and your passion. Your many good qualities and skills. Your sense of humour and all the other things he finds adorable. He hasn't recoiled from holding you against his chest, has he? So why not build up bit by bit at a pace you feel comfortable with, first touching through clothes, then just through your bra, and then the full Monty, up top at any rate?
Because you have nothing to worry about. You'll be fine, and I'm sure he (and all future fellas in your life) will be fine too. Good luck!
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