Can't smile for my kids - Agony Aunt

I invite you to think of at least 10 things for which to be thankful each day.  You'll probably find that challenging at first but here are a few to get you started.  Your two kids love you so you're lovable.  They care enough to visit you every Sunday.  You care about them so you're a caring man.  You have skills such as cooking.  You're smart enough to look for solutions.  You're resourceful (or you wouldn't have thought of writing in) and you're internet literate (or you wouldn't have been able to).  You're articulate.  You're a survivor.  You have a home to which you can welcome your kids.  Sometimes just being thankful for a sunny day is a lift in itself.  A small one maybe, but better than none.

Now let's talk about loneliness.  It's not the same as enjoying solitude.  It's most unpleasant, isn't it?  It gives us plenty of time to beat ourselves up and few interruptions to such depressing thoughts.  But the door out of loneliness only has a handle on the inside.  Why not go to www.solo.ie?  It's a website with loads of links and resources for single parents.  These offer the chance to meet others in similar situations and make friends of both sexes who understand what it's like.  Your city or county council website almost certainly offers ideas for things to do with your kids, whether it be places to visit or activities.  But you're not only a parent.  Local community centres may run singles or divorced/separated groups, and libraries usually have a noticeboard about activities.  There may be a leisure, community, sport or adult education centre near you offering facilities and courses for fun or to improve your career prospects.  There may be a dance school - and men are particularly welcome at such places!  Dancing offers a chance of moderate physical contact which is very good for helping people back into socialising.  It doesn't matter if you have two left feet.  That's why they run classes.  Local churches often have activity and social groups.  If you belong to a union, you could go to union meetings.  If you're not clued up about such issues, ask!  People love to expound and they love good listeners.  If there are charity shops or a hospital in your area, ask about volunteering.  It's a great way to meet others, both the people you're helping and fellow volunteers.  

So what's stopping you?  Could it be that you have imagined you're going round with a big sign over your head saying "reject" or some equally critical label?  If so, remember this image comes from your imagination.  How about imagining something different?  Something that helps you instead of making things more difficult?  It might be "likable" or "survivor" or whatever you most need.  Every time the negative thought comes, remember that's about your past, not your present or your future.  You haven't written those yet.  So overlay the positive label until you can't see the old one any more.  Remember, friendships and likability aren't about who you are, they're about what you do.  For more on building self-esteem and social skills, why not go to www.confidenceclub.net?

We are what we choose to become.  I hope you choose to become outgoing, friendly and interested.  Around 7 or 8 out of 10 people welcome friendly overtures so go for it!  I wish you the courage to invite pleasure into your life.  Good luck, Jason!