Dear Anne,
My son's ex-wife is stopping us from seeing my grandson. She's had a dispute with him and sees withdrawing access as a punishment. We have had access for the last seven years. What can we do?
Allan
Dear Allan,
It's always sad when a parent uses the children as pawns in a family dispute. The parent may feel they have no other recourse or that the other side "made" them act in this way, but it is in fact that parent's decision. It would be useful if that parent realised the damage it does to the children, making them feel abandoned, unimportant, unloved and unlovable, powerless, controlled ...
Unfortunately grandparents have no automatic legal rights of access at this moment. However, there is debate in parliament that this may be changed in the future. Currently you have the right to ask for leave from the court to apply for contact under section 8 of the Childrens Act 1989. You can find out more about this from www.grandparents-association.org.uk or their helpline on 0845 4349585. As things stand, the child has the right to associate with other family members, and to enjoy a family life which includes them. This can be a bone of contention.
Hostility breeds hostility, so it's more helpful to approach the child's mother in a conciliatory spirit, pointing out the benefits to the child and then any for herself in your seeing the lad. Free childminding can be very helpful! You may also like to make the point that her dispute with the lad's father is between the two of them and you're more interested, as she is, in what's best for your grandson. I do wish you, and all the other grandparents and children in this situation, all the best.
