World Cup 2006

The World Cup isn't just about beer, hype, tears and joy.
Heard any football funnies lately and want to share them with the rest of the Tiscali community.
Send us your jokes; mysnaps@uk.tiscali.com and we'll publish the best ones on this page. Please remember to include your name and location in the email.

Also: World Cup rules

Snow white is cooking dinner and hears a loud bang coming from the direction of the mine. Upon reaching the mine she realises that there has been a cave in. Snow white calls out, "is there anybody down there"? There is a long silence and then finally a voice can be heard saying, "Australia are good enough to win the World Cup!"
"Thank heavens for that" says Snow White, "at least Dopeys still alive!"
MTJT18

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?",
"Yes son?",
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father." Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?",
"Yes son?",
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half and hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today?". The son says, "Yes dad I have.",
"Good son, what is it?". The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you Germans".
ResistanceMP3s - Forums

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?" "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
Deb - Richmond

Rooney's been told he can play in the World Cup if he gets a Cortizone Injection. Beckham said: "If that fat boy is having a new car, then so am I!"
Doug - Tunbridge Wells

Rio Ferdinand, Rooney and Hargreaves are at a lake trying to find out who can walk on water. Rooney goes first, runs across the lake and comes back. Ferdinand looks at Hargreaves and say, "Your go Owen". Hargreaves starts his run, gets half way, turns and falls. Ferdinand looks at Rooney and say's "I didn't tell him about the stepping stones", Rooney replies "What stepping stones"?
Jamie - Wolverhampton

It's Steve McClaren's first day as England manager and he walks into the showers and sees a huge poo on the floor. He goes straight to the dressing room to confront the players and asks "who's poo on the floor?" at which point Peter Crouch sticks his hand up and says "yeah, but I'm good in the air!"
Michelle - West London

Michael Owen walks into a night club in Germany and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty on the dance floor. He approaches her and says, "get you coat, your coming back to my hotel with me tonight." She looks at him and replies, "Goodness, You're a little forward!"
KC - Battersea

The Scotland manager phones Sven to find out how to improve his training methods. "Dustbins" says Sven. Position dustbins around the training pitch and get your players to pass the ball between them, dribble round them, chip the ball over them, it'll improve all round control". The next day Sven's phone rings, it's the Scottish manager, "Hi, The dustbin's are winning 3-1. What do I do now?"
Alex - Dorset

David Beckham is celebrating. "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Posh asks him why he's celebrating and David replies, "Well Victoria, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."
"Is that good then David?" asks Posh. "You bet", laughs David, "It says 3 to 6 years on the box."
Carl - Merseyside