Who cares?

Who cares?

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years, and I am in complete turmoil..

At present I work full time, am studying a degree and am renovating my first house. I love my boyfriend dearly, but feel that something is missing.

In previous relationships I have been the “weak link”, relying on my partner at the time to take the lead, and enjoyed feeling like the delicate female. This probably sounds lame, but I work hard in quite a masculine job (engineer) and like to feel feminine and looked after when I go home. However, my boyfriend at the moment seems to have a major confidence crisis. At the start of the relationship he wasn’t as bad as he is now – and I found the fact that he let me take the lead a bit endearing.

Though since then I have single-handily organised the buying of our home, sorted paperwork and bills, I have to plan our week, decided what were doing and where we’re going, I do most of the DIY in the home and have to organise builders etc if there is something I cant manage – this is alongside studying for a degree and working full time. It isn’t that he is lazy or can’t be bothered though – he genuinely does want to help, but also has the attention span of a goldfish, and is a total day-dreamer.

I do love him, he is one of the most honest men I have ever met, has never hurt anyone in his whole life and doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. But I am beginning to feel more like a mum to him rather than his equal. I want someone to sweep me off my feet, take care of me and make me feel safe. We have talked about it before and he keeps promising to change and to try harder – but I am always let down. I know that he has always battled his parents his whole life – being the quietest of 3 brothers he was always bullied and told he would never amount to anything, but constantly having to build him up is knocking me down.

We don’t go on holiday unless I organise something, don’t go out unless I suggest it and I am now having to save money from my wages each month to eventually buy an engagement ring – because I know that every month he will forget to put money to one side. I realise that he probably doesn’t know how to be in a relationship because he hasn’t had a proper one before me, but I have been with him for almost 2 years now so he must have an idea…

It sounds petty, but the final straw happened over the Christmas period – he had left buying my presents until the last minute, then was ill the week before Christmas so I had to go out and get my own presents. Then we went to a family New Years Eve party – all the girls were having champagne, so I asked him for a glass. Everyone else looked amazing at this party drinking champagne from crystal flutes; I was given mine in a chipped tumbler, but he couldn’t at all understand what the problem was. I felt this totally summed up the whole relationship. I don’t feel special, and want so much more from life. I want someone to feel passionate about me!!

I wanted to live the dream when I was younger – good wages, nice house, strong husband; but feel like im being turned into a nagging fish wife, dealing with problems that I should need to have at 26. But am I being selfish?? Am I right to feel this way??